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The Keg Toby the Amazing Fighting Fish
for VP Academic and Student Services
Toby the Amazing Fortune-Telling Siamese Fighting Fish
  1. (After cleverly tying sticks to my fins:)
    Judo Chop!
    Why am I running for VP Academic? I'll tell you why. Because I care about the people, even though they fail to recognise the inherent superiority of a gill-based lifestyle. As an Amazing Fortune-Telling Siamese Fighting Fish, I empathise with the hardships that come with being a UBC student. And with my awe-inspiring and extensive martial arts training, I will be able to survive the vicious and cannibalistic nature of student politics.

  1. I will work towards the active erosion of the cliffs surrounding UBC, thus leading to an increased level of water awareness amongst the student body.

  1. As Aquatic Liason for CUPE Local 2278, I will lobby for the decriminalisation of plankton and plankton grow operations. Furthermore, I will work to preserve the life of my fellow aquatic brethren by demanding that Pie R Squared serve less shrimp, and more chicken ass pizzas!

    And for the love of God, stop tapping on the glass!

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